By Toh Hsien Min
So the age of the Flatulent Rump has come, with an executive order to build a wall on the border with Mexico and another executive order to prevent citizens from a number of countries including Syria and Yemen from entering the country, leading to chaos in airports and universities and companies. So much for the optimistic view that all of that was just election bluster on the campaign trail, and that a President Rump will turn pragmatic in office. Nope, wrong again. Insincerity seems to be a virtue after all.
Or is it? Perhaps the problem is that Rump has not thought things through, and is not taking things far enough. Not even with the rumours that next on the list will be a requirement for all visitors to declare the websites they visit and turn over their contact lists. No, there should also be a wall on the border with Canada. Goodness knows the Canadians want one. Next, as those dangerous Syrians and Somalis are known to take different citizenships, the list of countries has to be extended. To Reince Priebus's credit, he has already suggested this. Mo Farah, Somali by birth but British citizen, is exactly illustrative of why British citizens should be denied entry, and while Europe has a massive refugee problem, all the Schengen area countries should be barred also.
Of course, the Europeans will reciprocate and deny entry to those from across the pond, but that's fine, all the better that Mericans don't travel outside the country and pick up dangerous Democrat ideas. There are too many cosmopolitan types on both coasts already. By 2020, only Russians will be permitted entry, but they will have to be escorted at all times, although they will be allowed the privilege of watching the Mass Games. There will be a 100% tariff on imports, so that Mericans will buy Merican and employ Mericans. Surprisingly, the world will respond in kind, and since trade with the outside world will plummet 99.9% by 2020, that year's landmark executive order will make all greenbacks outside the country immediately invalid. Literally overnight, FX markets will switch to the EUR and CNY as liquidity conduits.
By President Rump's second term in office, 2,700 coastal installations will have been built to cover Merica with an energy field, jamming all communication with the outside world and blocking satellite surveillance. All remaining resident aliens will be deported and the country will become opaque to the outside world, although rumours will somehow still manage to get through gaps in the wall. Most chilling will be the rumours that experimental nanotechnology may have converted every Merican citizen into a form of synthetic life, with the side effect of loss of free will. In 2024, the information drawbridge will be lowered for just a minute to release an official statement that Rump has won a third term in office with a landslide 99.96% of the vote. Rumours of the extermination of the 0.04% will not be immediately denied.
Our Merican correspondent, David Fedo, is noticeably distraught, but as always the contributors to this issue continue to engage with the world rather than to close themselves off from it. We have interviews with an Icelander, a Malaysian and an Australian, we have an account of encounters in Scotland, France and Ireland, and even one of an international moon colony in 2082. Clearly, the literary world thinks engagement bears its own importance. All the more reason to keep reading widely?QLRS Vol. 16 No. 1 Jan 2017