Each day I hope to fall asleep
at the first shudder of dusk;
In a haze-strewn twilight
when the sky is caught half-undressed, and,
all too soon she fades away
and wraps the world in darkness.
Under the silken covers of night,
I wait for you to come to me.
Your hesitant footsteps enquire, softly, as ever,
if I am asleep.
Oh, I am asleep:
Obedient to your word that I not think of you in the day.
Obedient, as ever, to the blush on your cheeks,
to your left eyebrow, slightly curious, shyly questioning;
Obedient to your pursed lips, sweet as a hibiscus
blooming into mine as my fingers trace the curve of your jaw;
Obedient to your calloused thumb
smoothing the creases on my forehead.
Obedient to your voice as you whisper my name
and collect me into your arms.
Obedient to all that, and to you,
I have fallen asleep -
my fingers tangled in the folds of your pillow,
where your silken head once laid.
Oh, I am dreaming!
You once said,
Memory is a poor companion, and
my soaked pillow would only wear down your beauty into
a pale caricature,
of an empty vessel,
of my hopes and dreams,
do not cry, you whispered:
when I am gone, I am gone.
do not try to remember me,
leave the fragments behind and move on.
And when you made me promise you this,
your eyes were heavy-lidded, like a waxing moon;
Do you remember? (for I've been for bidden)
How they sparkled and danced their way
across the bed, into my heart.
I thought you were falling asleep.
I thought this was a passing dream.
when I am gone, I am gone, you said.
Now you are gone,
and I am alone.
We built this house,
do you remember?
We built it to last,
Brick by brick,
In the months: November, December.
Now I must tear it down,
timber by timber;
Crashing and burning,
ashes and ember.
Obedient to your voice,
waspish and tender,
I must forget you now.
and so I sunder, sundered
Every night I go to sleep
at the first shrug of dawn;
In the evaporating twilight,
when the stars drift off, and,
all too soon they fade away,
lost in the glare of the ever rising sun.
With my back stubbornly against the light,
I now wait patiently for you
in my dreams,
hoping, without certainty,
that you will remember me.